When I get bored in class, I just start writing. The writings never turn into anything, either because I start listening to what’s going on in class, or I just lose the thought. I have mixed feelings about sharing them, because… yuck… but at the same time, why not? I’ll just call them flashes– like flash fiction, only they’re musings. Enjoi.
One of these days.
One of these days, I’ll stop getting crushes on gay men. I’ll stop wearing shoes that kill my feet. I’ll stop biting my nails, and I’ll stop thinking I need to wear nail polish all the time. I’ll stop shop[ping]. I’ll stop buying books that I never read. I’ll stop buying journals that I never write in. I’ll stop writing off Judaism just because I don’t understand it. I’ll stop being a follower (or rather, a passive, alienated, pragmatist, or conformist follower). I’ll stop daydreaming and start doing. I’ll start wearing heels, saving money, going barefoot, putting sequins on my clothes, reading books, and dating. One of these days.
Sometimes when I talk, my voice surprises me. Like it changes every time I open my mouth, or changes any time my personality and ideas change. Why? Is it just the way I hear my voice, or is it actually symbolic of the way I change, and the sound of my voice is just a facet of that, some way that those changes are tangible?
If I ever had a kid (yikes), and if it was a boy (yikes), I would name him Lars. Lars Sahlin would be a hot name, and it would automatically label him somewhere between pretentious and artistically shy. He would have some Swedish pride by default, even if he had no idea what that heritage means.
… What does it mean?
What has Sweden ever done? No one ever talks about Sweden, or Norway, except to say that no one ever talks about it. All I know is that some furniture designers were from there. and they came up with these really cool chair ideas, like the egg chair and the ball chair, from the 70s. They were all futuristic at the time, and now they just look deco (read: dumb).
I wonder why insects like technology so much. Ants crawl in laptops all the time. It gives a new meaning to planting a bug somewhere. Bugs must know that we associate them in some way with technology.
What would it take to hold my attention long enough to let this idea emerge?